10 parenting decisions you might say "define me"

So, the blog is going through a sort of identity crisis, and I've decided to re-route this post from a "Page" to a regular post. I'll write more at-length about all the changes to the blog once I've figured them out and made some solid decisions, but for now let's just get on with all these numbered points to inspire cheering, judging, eye-rolling, camaraderie, and a host of other reactions...


For the most part, I bend toward the crunchy granola hippy style of attachment parenting. For instance:

 1.) I am passionate about breastfeeding and exclusively* breastfed Little Guy from birth to 9 months. Like most of my parenting decisions, this one is rooted in instinct (what feels "natural" to me) and by our budget. (Not only do you save tons of money by skipping the formula aisle at the grocery store, but we own less than six bottles that I hardly ever need to wash.) For me, breastfeeding is also more convenient: You don't have to pack your boobs when you're out and about. I am comfortable breastfeeding in public -- I use a cover and/or clever clothing arrangements to keep the goods under wraps -- and I have done it often (in fact, I think those benches they put in the middle of shopping malls are the perfect place to showcase Little Guy's love for the boob).

Probably the one aspect of breastfeeding that I'm not too impressed with is the bonding that is bragged about by so-called lactivists. I think you can bond perfectly naturally by choosing to have skin-to-skin contact with your newborn or making eye contact during a bottle-feeding. We don't need to club new mothers over the head for not stuffing their nipple down the baby's throat in order to show their all encompassing love.

* Little Guy was introduced to formula after his fifth month when I hadn't pumped enough for my first night away. Once I realized he was able to accept a mix of formula/breastmilk and then a full formula bottle, I chose to have caretakers offer Little Guy formula whenever I was gone (which was the equivalent of about 8 bottles over a 3-month period). Pumping did not go well for me. I could never get more than an ounce or two in a thirty minute session.

Once the morning sickness kicked into high gear, I switched entirely to formula. I wasn't drinking or eating enough thanks to the nausea, and my energy was at an all-time low. There were some amazing bonding moments for Little Guy and The Husband over the three months that he was formula fed, and I have to admit, I was glad they both had that opportunity. But the goal remains to exclusively breastfeed the next baby until he/she decides to wean. Formula is EXPENSIVE, yo!

2.) I use cloth diapers. This is one of those parenting decisions that first attracted me because it was a way to stand out from the crowd -- and I try to stand out whenever I can. After the initial research, I realized just how well cloth diapers would fit with my mode of parenting: They were extremely cost-effective, really cute, friendly to the environment, and gave me a chance to brag whenever possible. In the beginning, we stocked up on all the different types of cloth diapers (pre-folds, fitteds, pockets and all-in-ones) and the ones that worked best for our family were the pocket diapers.

My favorite pocket diaper is a (Made in the U.S.A.!!!) BumGenius 4.0 one-size. We own about 20 of those, and also have a few Fuzzibunz, Happy Heinys, and RumpaRooz (all one-size, pocket diapers). The only brand I haven't had great success with was the Itti Bitti  one-size, which uses a snap-in insert instead of a pocket and didn't quite fit Little Guy's thighs correctly. At night, Little Guy goes 12 hours in a single diaper: The BumGenius 4.0 stuffed with a Joey Bunz hemp doubler and a single layer BumGenius microfiber insert.

3.) I strongly believe in the benefits of babywearing and use a Moby or Ergo whenever possible. I registered for a Moby based on the enthusiastic recommendations I found on sites like TheBump.com, but to be honest, I wasn't really sure how it would factor into our daily routine. Thank God I drank the Kool-Aid, though, because I seriously can't imagine how our first few months would have turned out without it. I am not exaggerating when I say: THE MOBY SAVED MY LIFE. When Little Guy was going through his most colicky period, there were only two strategies that could possibly calm him. You could sit him in front of running water, like the bathtub faucet, or you could put him in the Moby and walk around. His attention span favored the Moby, because he could eventually fall asleep. Because of the Moby, I realized how convenient it was to wear the baby instead of trying to strap him into a stroller or carry him around a store.

By the time his colic had ended, we started babywearing so that we could leave the stroller at home on trips to Home Depot and Target. It also made air travel extremely convenient -- I could breastfeed him while walking around the airport and walk through security without having to fold up a stroller and carry a baby. And let's not forget chores: Practically the only way I vacuum, dust, and clean the kitchen these days is if I have a baby strapped to my back.

4.) I used the "Baby Led Weaning" approach to solid foods. This is another decision that has its roots in both instinct and budget. The baby is allowed to self-feed non-pureed foods from the 6-month mark and on. You obviously start with foods that are easiest for the baby to mash with his gums, but you can quickly progress to almost any food served at the breakfast/lunch/dinner table.

What attracted me to BLW? For one, I don't have to do any additional shopping for the baby, and for two, he is able to work on his fine motor skills and to choose what foods interest him and how much food he is interested in eating at a single sitting. I absolutely love watching him eat, and it's so convenient to be able to share the meal experience without having to be serving him spoonful by spoonful in between my own bites.

His first foods were: Banana, cantelope, sweet potato fries, watermelon, Greek yogurt, and butternut squash. I did not follow the "three day" rule of introducing foods one at a time over a period of three days because there are no known food allergies in our families and I didn't think there was any risk in the foods he was being served. Just before 8 months, Carter started meats: Chicken, meatball, pork, and sausage. Today (at just over 12 months) he eats anything we eat, including steak, and is able to use a fork and spoon relatively well (for his age).

5.) I researched, prepared for and had a successful natural (med-free) delivery. After your first marathon, you'll try to make almost any occasion into a medal-worthy experience. Initially, that's what motivated me to try for a natural birth. I wanted me some bragging rights. I started to research different methods for natural birth, though, and discovered Ricki Lake's documentary, "The Business of Being Born," around the same time that I also read "Hypnobirthing." And even though both resources struck me as a bit one-sided and even exaggerated on the truth a bit, a larger part of them struck home for me. American birth has become a runaway train of unnecessary medical intervention. From pointless inductions and epidural drug pushing, to painful (and scary powerful) contractions that are the result of pitocin drips and the subsequent c-section "recommendation." While there is no evidence to prove that an epidural can slow contractions, my instincts (and a lot of midwives) would agree that the best, safest, and perhaps easiest delivery would be one without any unnecessary medical interventions. Epidurals are unnecessary for the vast majority of women. But if you're given the option of having a painful labor or a numb one, which would you choose? Yes, my labor was painful, but with the right research I was able to identify some pain management strategies that worked for me and deliver Little Guy without any drugs -- in two pushes, after only 11 hours of active "labor." I don't think that was beginner's luck; I think it was the result of a lot of preparation and hard work, and I think you might surprise yourself if you're willing to give it a go.

It's not all meditation circles and daisy flowers up in here, though. These are a few parenting decisions which seem to be more conventional, traditional or mainstream:

1.) Co-sleeping didn't work best for us, but we definitely gave it a try. I hadn't planned on co-sleeping (we owned a crib, a bassinet, and a bouncer...surely one of those would do the trick), and therefore hadn't done much research on it by the time I realized that Little Guy "slept" best when he was next to us. For the first three months, the longest period of time Little Guy ever slept was two hours, so co-sleeping wasn't necessarily a lot of sleeping for any of us. And although I never worried I would roll over Little Guy, I did worry about the dangers posed by our pillow-top mattress and sheet set. I also worried about Little Guy's dependence on the boob for sleeping, and my own sleep really suffered having him next to me because I was constantly re-positioning him on the boob or trying to get comfortable laying on my side. So, back to the bassinet he went. We did co-sleep a few more times while we were traveling in the early months, because it was one of the easiest ways to comfort him in a new place, but I vowed after the six-month mark to break us both of this habit, and I think we both sleep the better for it. 

2.) We have used the "Cry It Out" technique. We first tried a modified version of "Cry It Out" when Little Guy was 4.5 months old, after our pediatrician suggested it. Little Guy had been waking every two hours (sometimes one, *forehead slap*) since we brought him home from the hospital, with a brief two-week-period of four-hour sleep around the 3.5 month mark. The first night was stressful, and it seemed no one in the house had any sleep. But the next night? The next night Little Guy slept five hours straight! Talk about success! I nursed him after the first five hours (he was still getting used to not eating at night), and he went for another three, whined himself back to sleep, and woke up refreshed at 6 a.m. This continued for the rest of the week....until I packed him up and drove him to NY. We left our only chance of ever sleeping again back home in Virginia, because for the next three months, Little Guy would wake every two hours, almost like clockwork. I didn't think I could bear to let him CIO it again, and I had three weddings scheduled (which meant three trips to NY), so I felt that even if we were successful, the progress would be interrupted by my damn travel plans. So, Little Guy was nursed frequently at night, even while I read three different books ("The No Cry Sleep Solution," "Happiest Baby on the Block," and ") in an attempt to break him of that habit. Unfortunately, despite all the great advice, the only way Little Guy went to sleep without a big fight was to nurse him -- until we tried CIO again at the 7.5 month mark. It was a rough week, but it was a bit easier knowing that this time around he didn't *need* to be nursed at all. After five nights, he was able to sleep for 5-6 hours, until eventually (about two weeks after we started CIO), he was able to sleep for 8 hours, nurse, and then sleep another 3-4. I don't entirely buy into the idea that babies need to sleep for much more beyond six hours at a time, but I can tell you the extra sleep does feel pretty good to Mama...

3.) Little Guy is vaccinated...and on the AAP recommended schedule. I couldn't find any good research to support the delayed vaccination schedule that Dr. Sears seems so fond of (even his reasoning is all based on personal opinion with little to no medical evidence), and I strongly believe the herd is only as strong as its weakest members. I continue to follow the discussion, though, as my instincts say some of the vaccinations (like the one for chicken pox) seem like overkill and perhaps might be the product of big business getting a hold of government pockets.

4.) Little Guy eats meat, processed and inorganic foods. Because I eat meat, processed and inorganic foods....and I can't seem to stop.

5.) Little Guy is circumcised. Like many women, I handed off the responsibility for this decision to my husband. The assumption I made was that I didn't have the right "equipment" (and thereby, the experiences and knowledge) to make a choice for my son. Looking back, I wish I had urged my husband to do some research before I threw the question at him. Little Guy didn't suffer any complications and I do like the idea that father and son will "match," so to speak, but I also think it was a decision my husband made lightly based only on the fact that he was circumcised. And I am complicit in that because I gave him that option based only on the fact that he had the right "equipment." So...yeah. I don't regret his circumcision, but I do wish I had a better answer as to why he is circumcised than, "Because his father is."