Anna Karenina

The 2011 Library has finally picked up again after a few half-hearted attempts to read some "chick lit" books failed miserably. My mistake was in thinking that a piece of lighter fare would be easier to handle now that I have to squeeze in reading sessions during naps and jumperoo exercises. Turns out, I needed a challenging novel to entice me back into that "up until 3 a.m. with a flashlight under the covers" habit of reading.

And so, a sincere спасибо to Tolstoy. Anna Karenina is amazing. I'm continually astounded at not just the level of detail or the depth of understanding given  to such a diverse group of characters -- but by the feeling he shows for all of it. Everything is so carefully and delicately worded. Nothing is skimmed over -- but it's done in a way that you don't even fully realize how amazing it is until you've earmarked your page and had a moment to sit and think with your thumb still shut in between the pages.

A few passages that still have me reeling:

"Oh no," said the countess, taking her hand. "I could go all around the world with you and never be bored. You are one of those delightful women in whose company it's sweet to be silent as well as to talk."

Umm...I want to BE that type of woman!  Seriously...just perfectly described!

"The raging tempest rushed whistling between the wheels of the carriages, about the scaffolding, and around the corner of the station."

Holy alliteration, Batman! This is the type of sentence that causes me to really fall in love with an author -- and in this case, a translator.

"It's really ludicrous; her object is doing good; she's a Christian, yet she's always angry; and she always has enemies, and always enemies in the name of Christianity and doing good."

I'm always astounded when an author is able to transcend time so wonderfully. And this is obviously not the only or best example in Anna Karenina. It's actually a rather insignificant thought of Anna Karenina's about an unimportant character -- it just feels so modern; it could have been lifted from a contemporary novel. But it's definitely not. It's an understanding of humanity and ability to write so well that it surpasses not only decades, but cultures, languages, etc. Kind of blows the mind.

And all of this just to say that I'm so glad I picked this book up at the library. I still need chick-lit books, because those are the kinds of literature that remind me that I still want to write when I grow up. But books like this, ohhhh, books like this are why I adore reading in the first place. 

So спасибо, Tolstoy. I can't believe it took me this long to get around to reading this masterpiece in the first place.

Heavy

It's been a rough weekend. The only way I can think to describe it is to say that I feel very heavy.

Little Guy is napping right now, but when he wakes we are going to The Samaritan House (http://www.samaritanhouseva.org/) to donate a few things; namely, his bouncer and some outfits he outgrew before he had a chance to wear.

You know, it's funny. Mr. Zookeeper and I used to joke that my body's ideal state of being was while I was pregnant. This is because unlike most pregnant women, I didn't experience any wild surge of hormones. In fact, my moods were improved by pregnancy. And after I had the baby, I was still really even keeled. Perhaps the most level I've ever been. I didn't have any of those hour-long crying jags, or panic attacks, or onslaught of over-protective-mama-bearness that you hear about or see exaggerated in the movies.

But a few weeks ago, when I was returning some books to the library, I noticed a sign posted on the entrance wall. Perhaps you've seen it around town before. Its a simple graphic of a woman holding a child and it says "Safe Place."

It hit me hard. I stared at the sign, and then in the rear view mirror -- where I could see Little Guy calmly chewing on his fist in the car seat -- and then collapsed into tears. At the time, I couldn't imagine a world where we didn't feel safe. It destroyed me to think that some mother out there -- even just one mother -- lives in that world.

It's a heavy feeling. This weekend made it even more real. There are too many women who live in this world; whether through poverty, or domestic violence, or tragedy. And now I just hope that by giving a little back, I can feel a little lighter.

You lean on me, and I'll lean on you.