Where do these mommy bloggers find the time?!
I thought I had hit my stride at the four-month mark, but there really is just no time. No time for coffee sipping. No time for reading. No time for writing. No time for a leisurely jog around the lake. No time for the newspaper. No time for changing your outfit six times before you leave the house.
Unless it's coffee gulping. Or reading to the baby. Or writing out a "honey-do" list. Or jogging the baby around the house. Or clipping coupons from the newspaper. Or changing the baby's outfit six times before you leave the house.
Le sigh.
I just don't understand how these mommy bloggers blog. There is NO TIME. It's kind of like how you look around at the other couples in your life and you wonder how they all have nicer cars or nicer houses or nicer furniture or nicer appliances or nicer vacations or nicer clothes and you think, HOW?! There is NO MONEY.
When that question was the predominant one in my life (before it had been replaced with, "WHERE IS ALL THE TIME COMING FROM?!), I sat down and made a list of all our expenses and created a budget for the month. So, likewise, when the question of TIME started to occupy all the space in my brain that wasn't already devoted to finding time to change the baby and read to the baby and play with the baby, I decided to make a list of how we spend our time and create a "budget" for the day. Without further ado, I give you, the TIME BUDGET:
6:30 Little Guy is awake. Time to set him down on the floor to crawl around while I grab some things for his breakfast. Oh, and my sanity, since it has been left on my pillow along with a nice dream about my sex life with Ryan Reynolds.
6:40 Bib on, baby strapped into chair, cut watermelon is neatly placed on tray. Breakfast begins. Mama assumes the lifeguard position to save fallen pieces of food and watch for signs of choking.
7:00 Breakfast is now all over the floor and baby. Clean-up begins. Bib and clothes are removed. Hands and legs and navels and eyebrows and toes are scrubbed. Tray is rinsed. Seat is rinsed. Seat straps are rinsed. Garden hose is lowered, Mama has resisted the urge to powerfully spray the baby into the next room. Congratulations, Mama.
7:10 Floor is swept and cleaned, baby is once again crawling on floor. The rush to make coffee before the baby finds anything dangerous has begun.
7:15 Coffee is made and poured into bright orange mug. The fussing over "WHY CAN'T I HAVE THAT ORANGE MUG" begins. Mama makes mental note to purchase less attractive mug.
7:16 Coffee is finished.
7:17 Fussing now turns to toys which are all discovered to be inadequate in the wake of THE BRIGHT ORANGE MUG.
7:20 First attempt at storybook reading begins. Little Guy has reached age where everything must be continually tested to make sure it has not magically turned into a food. Every third word is interrupted by Mama's attempts to remove book from baby's mouth.
7:22 Storybook reading is abandoned in favor of shaking maracas and singing. We scour YouTube for some new material and find....
And....
7:45 Time to dress baby. I didn't mention he has been naked all this time? It's more fun to sing the Banana Song when you're naked. You should try it some time.
7:55 Baby is quite upset about this annoying clothing ritual. Fussiness soon gives way to sleepiness, and Mama and Little Guy lay down in bed together for the first morning nap. Yawn.
Okay, I'm exhausted just going over the first 90 minutes. And now, Little Guy is up from his second morning nap and I'll have to publish this post without even getting into the other 22 hours of our day...
Until next time, amigos!
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